Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017

What this year meant, and what I'm seeking for in 2017

I've seen a lot of people posting about how much 2016 sucked. It saddens me because, for the most part, 2016 treated me really well. However, I can't forget that, for most of the world, 2016 was actually a pretty terrible year. No one can ignore Aleppo, Brexit, Donald Trump, illegal settlements by Israelis in Palestine, race relations between law enforcement and people of color, the loss of so many great celebrities. I feel like the list goes on and on. For some people, the suggestion of trying to find the positive is insulting because their grief is too heavy and needs to be felt. If you're reading this and have experienced any of the above, know that I am so, so sorry.

I always want this space to be positive and uplifting, but I understand and know that there is a lot of hurt that came with 2016. This post will point out my highs and lows, and my personal goals for 2017. My last post, celebrating a year on Wix, laid out some plans for this space for this upcoming year. What are some of your goals? What makes you feel the most motivated to achieve your ambitions?

The Greats

• Planning our wedding! From cake tasting to venue scouting to DIY projects, I had so much fun planning, and then, of course, actually getting married! I so enjoyed the day - I remember so much of it, of being relaxed and excited, dancing a lot, laughing and smiling until my cheeks hurt, and feeling so much love from our families. It was literally the perfect day, and one I am so thankful for. I'm pretty sure that even if everything would have gone wrong, I still would have enjoyed it just the same.

• Finishing my Master's. It was a long, hard, bumpy journey that asked great amounts of self-control and motivation that I didn't think I had. While I ended up taking an additional semester, it was gratifying to finally finish. I'm working on paying off my final bill, but when that diploma comes in the mail, it will probably be the most proud I've ever been of a singular piece of paper.

• Landing my dream job. I've worked several jobs since graduating college, but I've always been searching for my "forever" or, at least, long-term job with great benefits and a liveable salary. Working at the museum in Frederick was a great opportunity that gave me a lot of responsibility, but getting the offer from the Cal Ripken, Sr. Foundation to be their grant writing assistant was extremely gratifying.

• Buying a house! My husband is an incredible person. It was mostly because of him and his incredible talent to save money that we were able to buy our first home. We are so excited about adding fresh coats of paint, redoing rooms, and finishing others. I'm even more excited to share that journey on this space.

• Experiencing new family. Since Robby and I have been together for over five years, I've of course spent plenty of time with his family. But being married, for me, has given a deeper sense of permanence with them. It has been a true blessing having them accept and love me as part of their own, and it feels so warm and comforting.

• New traditions & old ones. While Robby and I still have our yearly camping trip and NYE celebration with friends and my mom and I still go to DC for the Cherry Blossom Festival, it was very cool to experience Halloween in our first home, to cut down a Christmas tree together this year, to decorate for Christmas, and just experience the holidays as a married couple.

• My sister-in-law getting engaged! Her long-term boyfriend of seven years finally proposed around Thanksgiving and they're getting married in June. I was so honored when she asked me to be part of her big day, and I can't wait for it to get here to celebrate it with them.

The Challenges

• Family issues. I've had to do a lot of soul-searching this year when it comes to my role as a child and grandchild. About a year and a half ago, I stopped talking to my father and this summer, to the rest of that side of the family. No matter my age, I am always the child, and my role will never include the responsibility it requires of being the parent, or grandparent. After trying so hard to be the person they were proud of, and then realizing that every accomplishment only made them bitter, I had to distance myself, with a lot of pain and heartbreak involved, from my dad's side of the family. I spent a lot of time in conversation with friends and family, and know I've done the right thing for my emotional and mental health even when it my decision feels like the wrong one.

• The loss of a family matriarch. My step-dad's mom lost her battle with cancer this October. The blessing was having her in my life for over 20 years. She was able to attend my wedding, which she was so looking forward to. In return, we have gorgeous pictures with her that we can cherish. Cancer isn't fun, ever, but she was such a strong woman and taught me so much about the human spirit. She fought to the end, and I was truly blessed to have her in my life for the time that I did.

• The Election. This election was not what I thought it was going to be. I was disappointed by the decisions of many of my family and friends, and former students. I still am disappointed by the hate that has come forward from it, and by the things I see on social media. I can only pray that Donald Trump changes my opinion for the better, that he proves me wrong, and does well leading this nation -- all of us, not just the wealthy or the majority.

• Learning to be financially responsible. I've never really had to plan financially. My mom is such an incredible woman who, I think, has raised me to be a strong person who deeply cares for other people. She gave me everything I dreamed of, and it's not her fault I grew up never being without. That being said, I've never been good at saving money. So it's been challenging having to think about, "what if something goes wrong in the house? Will we have funds to cover that? What if something goes wrong with our cars?" It's not just me anymore - I'm married and responsible to someone else. It's really made me want to start doing better at saving and creating an emergency fund. However, wanting and doing are two completely different things, and I'm slowly learning how to do the latter.

Looking forward to 2017:

Personal Goals and Ambitions

• Creating more often. It's already on my list for this space to publish quality content at least twice a month starting out. I realize most blogs post two to three times a week, if not more. I'm also aware that if I want this space to grow, I have to make time to make posts happen and to create content worth reading. I have so many other creative outlets online, and I really want to take the time to utilize them. Maybe I'll get to a point where I'm sharing these regularly with my family and with you. But just creating more and being more accountable are my goals for 2017.

• Maintaining a mental health bullet journal. I started a bullet journal about a year ago, and loved it, but it didn't work for long-term planning. It could have, but I would have much rather just kept a pre-made planner for daily tasks. I repurposed that bullet journal as a mental health journal to track habits, thoughts and feelings, and daily goals. I've kept it up for the month of December and would like to maintain it moving into 2017.

• Being more responsible with my personal health. I know everyone says that going into a new year, but this past year I've had to confront high blood pressure, irregular menstrual cycles, gaining and losing weight, and the risks of being obese. It's taken a beating on my health, and with getting married and having to plan for the future in general, I've had to face the reality that I am not healthy. I want to be able to keep up with my kids, when we have them. I want to be able to have energy throughout the day. My biggest problem is my diet, so my husband and I are both trying to eat better, and then start exercising once we have our schedule down to a routine. We cook at home regularly, so I would ideally like to start sharing our meals with you as well.

• Being more open to love. With getting married, my family has grown. I've had a lot of issues with being accepting in the past. I've kept my feelings very close in fear of getting hurt and disappointed. So, it's my goal for 2017 to be less inhibited and opening my heart more to accepting love and giving it, and not being afraid of the vulnerability that comes with the territory.

Here's to 2017, folks. I choose to follow the thought that this life will be what you make of it. Of course you will have struggles and hardships, but let them make you stronger rather than tearing you down. Learn from them and build yourself up to be better because of it. This world is better because you're here - make yourself believe that too and you will change your tiny piece of existence. I promise!

Much love.