Books I Read in December

Wrapping up 2020 has proven to be difficult, not reading wise, but life wise. My grandfather, a man who was very much a father figure to me, passed away in the early hours of December 28 after battling congestive heart failure, COPD, and pneumonia. I am not taking it well, to say the least, but I'm persevering nonetheless. I've tried to at least be cognizant of when waves of sadness come, and I allow myself to sit in my feelings and to feel the full breadth of these emotions. I know it will be hard for a while - every day, I find myself experiencing a different or deeper level of grief, whether that's saying, "My grandparents' house" and realizing it's just my grandmother, or opening up my planner and seeing his birthday. Or the million other things that come up throughout the day that remind me of him or his absence. He was a very influential man in my life, and I will profoundly miss him.

I'm not sure how to transition from that into book reviews, but just know that I will be okay eventually. I'm still functioning, and I have a wonderful husband who has been attentive to me and my wide range of emotions this week. So. With all that in mind, I'll share the books I read in December and my thoughts on them. In other news: I was able to meet my reading goal for the month, with four books, and 41 books for the year.

Your Blue Is Not My Blue: A Missing Person Memoir by Aspen Matis

Rating: ⭐️.5

Shelves: Memoir-Biography

Review: From the overly descriptive writing to the majority of the book being spent on a privileged individual stuck in her own immaturity and selfishness, this book struggled to be likeable for me. I think the author, someone who just turned 30 and has written two memoirs, has been spoon-fed compliments that has somehow gotten her two book deals to write about a life that isn't all that special or significant. Yes, her life has been relatively uneasy with its own set of difficulties. As the editor of Modern Love is quoted saying in this book, "no one gets a free ride through this life." But, in 2020, I think the last thing we need is another "memoir" from a privileged white voice about, for one example, a mental breakdown over struggling to pay rent when her parents, two Boston lawyers, could have easily helped her.

While the title is cleverly supposed to be both about her "missing" husband and herself, it reads like a dysfunctional soap opera: two emotionally underdeveloped characters who unhealthily enter into a relationship that ultimately leads to heartbreak and a downward spiral for the author, which we have to read about. The majority of the book is spent building up the relationship and in the aftermath of its ending, with the "aha" moment coming a little too late for me.

One and a half stars because there are some good life nuggets within the book, although they feel out of place amid her flowery, overly descriptive and immature commentary. My suggestion: read a memoir about a person of color. We need less of what this book is about, and more about marginalized voices who have something more original and more meaningful to contribute to society right now.

Daisy Jones & the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Rating: ⭐️⭐️

Shelves: Modern Literature

Review: I actually had high hopes for this book, but I ultimately couldn't get into the style in which the author chose to write it. I didn't like the oral history style. For me, it felt too kitschy. Jokes didn't land for me. I didn't feel a connection with the characters at all (and she tried hard to write some powerful female characters, which fell flat in multiple ways based on the style of the writing). The whole thing felt like it was trying too hard to be believable. I don't know. It just didn't work for me.

And all the build-up to why the band suddenly collapsed in on itself, as well as the reveal to who the author is, was disappointing.

While I heard the audiobook is a fun experience, this was another Reese Witherspoon book club pick that fell flat for me. It is what it is, but this wasn't it for me.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.75

Shelves: Health, Self-Help

Review: This book has been on my reading list for a long time, and I finally started/finished it over a weekend. It's a really good insight into what fills up your emotional love tank, as well as your spouse's (or anyone meaningful in your life, to be honest). I commend it for giving specific examples both throughout the chapters and at the end of each chapter to make it clear and give a great starting off point for couples who are trying to figure out their love languages. Unlike another book I read recently where they explained the concept and then beat a dead horse with examples to put it into action, he kept his examples brief, using couples he's worked with throughout his profession. Some of it can be skimmed over, but some of it might be useful to readers.

My only critique is when I picked up this book, there were only two things I cared about: the explanation of each love language, and the test/assessment at the end of the book. He has a few chapters after the love languages, which maybe would have been better suited at the beginning of the book (although it makes sense based on their contents to be at the end). By the time I got to those chapters, I had already skipped to the end to take the assessment, and didn't care much about their contents. BUT, there was some useful information in them. They just weren't my priority to read.

I do feel like this created a safe space for my husband and I to discuss what fills us up emotionally, which I appreciated. I wanted to read this ever since we started dating almost 10 years ago, so this wasn't a grab to try to fix any marital problems. Just a bit of research to keep it strong and healthy. And I have to say: it was fulfilling not only learning more about my own love languages (I was tied evenly between three), but it was also really nice to have an open conversation with my husband about his love language. I had assumed his was physical touch, but the more we read into it, I realized that actually isn't his at all. He thrives off of acts of service and words of affirmation.

A good quote that I kept going back to said, "People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love."

If you've been curious about how to communicate with your spouse (or even friends and family) the need to have your emotional love tank filled and how, this is a great, short read that can change your outlook on giving and receiving love. I would recommend!

Picnic in Provence: A Memoir with Recipes by Elizabeth Bard

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Shelves: Memoir-Biography, Travel, All-Time Favorites

Review: This book felt needed for me. I was surprised and delighted by how much I enjoyed reading it. I could relate to the author in many subtle ways that made me feel like I was reading the memoir of a friend. The book balanced lovely descriptive writing with little bits of joy and humor, and every recipe sounded tantalizing. I loved the way food was interwoven within the stories from her life in Provence.

However, it should be noted that the author and her husband opening up an ice cream shop is placed at the center of the plot based on the back of the book, but that particular part of their story doesn't come into the picture until the last third of the book itself.

I didn't miss anything from this by having not read her first book, Lunch in Paris: A Love Story with Recipes. This will be a book I will read again, will pull off the shelf to try recipes from, and will, in general, think fondly about into the future. I loved this, and am glad I ended this year especially with it.